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Regarding the carousel

By Lesbian Dad on December 23, 2011 in Mostly a picture, Sunrise Sunset file

At the Tilden Park Carousel’s Christmas Extravaganza, Berkeley, CA.

We’ve been here before. (Back then, when she was two, and again then, at two and a half. Clearly it’s a thing for me: I just counted over half a dozen “carousel”-referential posts here.)

We come to Tilden Park’s Christmas Spectacular (ok, official title is “Fantasy,” but we rotate its name for fun) more or less annually, since she and her brother began to be big enough to not be overwhelmed by a carousel. Okay, since they were old enough for me to not be overwhelmed by the prospect of holding their wee bodies on a moving zoo animal on a carousel.

We’ll be back every single year, until the youngest of them can no longer grasp enough of a wisp of his childhood self to enjoy the ride.

I really don’t know what to expect with these people. When they reach the tween verge, and the tug-of-war with their past and future intensifies, what will they do with these childish things? They are so full now, with such easy access to a wisdom most would attribute to advanced years, and an equally easy access to a weightless imaginativeness most would attribute to extreme youth.

What I want is for them to continue to hold that paradox, all the while being fully immersed in their present. À la the reformed Scrooge, who, at the end of his three-directional hell ride, vowed to the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!”

A gal can, and does, dream.

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At the end of the tether

By Lesbian Dad on December 22, 2011 in Mostly a picture, Re: the lil' peanut

Tetherball at big sister’s schoolyard, Berkeley, CA.

Next time around it smacked Baba in the kisser. That’ll learn me to pay attention.

To wit (re: paying attention): I’ll be untethered from ye olde internet next week. Digital Sabbatical time, thank you GwenBell et al.! Clarity, monotasking parenthood, and board games all shimmer like palm trees at a distant oasis. Between now and the oasis: a bit of extendo family revelry, cooking a feast for a dozen, and the kids’ favorite holiday. I can think of a few ways I could be more fortunate (one, two, three, maybe four more loved ones alive now that should be; rifts bridged; wounds healed). Other than that, my cup runneth over.

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Fits, barely

By Lesbian Dad on December 20, 2011 in Mostly a picture, Re: the lil' monkey, Sunrise Sunset file

She fits in my lap, barely, but that doesn’t stop her from wanting to cuddle there, nor does it stop me from hoisting her there and doing all I can to hold and preserve, ’til she’s ready to get up.

The bittersweetness of her disappearing childhood–gradual, utterly inescapable–is a taste she knows as well or better than do her mother and I.

Because she is so adept at putting her feelings into words, we know the acuteness of her awareness. She hears her mama’s or my casual reference to something she used to do when she was a baby, or watches her little brother play with a toy that was once hers (and now, for good reason, is no longer), and it all comes back in a rush: the longing for her own, lost, younger self.

And yet that feeling, powerful though it is when it comes, is wedged right next to its opposite: an insatiable appetite for new knowledge, longer words, more complex keys to vaster mysteries. The grown-up girl-sounding statements, pronounced as much to hear what they sound like coming out of her mouth as for anything else.

She lurches forward, swirls backward, glides ahead, and then stops again and looks back, hand at her brow, shielding her vision from the bright light of the inevitable.

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Weekend bonus shot, 12.18.11

By Lesbian Dad on December 18, 2011 in From the vault, Mostly a picture

Sisters, very long ago, Castro Valley, CA. [Mod from an original image by David Rae Morris.]

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Still not too old for it

By Lesbian Dad on December 10, 2011 in Mostly a picture, Re: the lil' monkey, Sunrise Sunset file

I’m perpetually bracing for the moment when she is, have been for coupla years now. Still: safe. Not for a whole lot longer, I fear, but she may well surprise me. She pretty much does daily.

Past swingery here.

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NaBloPo– uh oh

By Lesbian Dad on December 1, 2011 in Mostly a picture, NaBloPoMo

Fun little story about this button.

So I have a bunch of these buttons, and order them periodically to keep in my pocket, and bring them to places like events or conferences or wherever I feel I might want to spread the good gospel. Give ‘em to friends.

Even strolled up to Jane Lynch her own bad self, the fateful night of the annual NCLR party a few years back when she and her lady love (now lawfully wedded wife, Lara Embry) had met and the sparks first flew. I waited for Jane (I know! we’re on a first-name basis. okay, I am) to finish playing tonsil hockey with her (geez; I think it was her!) on the dance floor (yes I said that, and yes I did wait discreetly), and then I tapped her on the shoulder and gave her one of these. She looked at it, looked at me, said, “Uh, thanks,” and went back to paying attention to her future spousal unit-to-be.

I saw Jane again back last August in San Diego at an event and gave her another one. Reminded her of the first time, she totally blanked on the moment (shocked! I’m shocked!), and said, “Great, now I have two!” Oh, by the way, when I told her my blog name, she said, “Hey, that’s what I am now!” And how’m I gonna disagree with that.

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Thankful

By Lesbian Dad on November 29, 2011 in Mostly a picture, NaBloPoMo, Pops

Thanksgiving table post-repast, Berkeley, CA.

We all went around my brother-in-law’s Thanksgiving table–my own brood, my dad, my mother in law, her old friend, her partner, my partner’s dad, my partner’s brother’s family and his wife’s mother–and said what we were thankful for. Many of us said we were thankful for the Occupy Movement (as ironic as that might have been, from around a well-stocked table in a comfortable, warm home). All of us who were not retired and of working age were hugely thankful for our full, rewarding, gainful employment. Most of the kids under 12 demurred, though I know their gratitude is big, if fairly tightly woven into need and dependence and hope and expectation.

My dad was grateful simply to be alive and here for another Thanksgiving, and I immediately seconded that thankfulness. I went on to say specifically: each morning when I walk from the bus stop to work, I call Pops, and we talk for the 12 or 13 minutes it takes me to get to my building’s elevator, where the signal begins to fail us. It’s always too short, but he’s a lot more alert during this morning call than he used to be when we talked after I got the kids to bed. The calls during when I’m interruptable by the kids are usually just too hard to sustain.

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Activity list (emergency for cabin fever.)

By Lesbian Dad on November 24, 2011 in Mostly a picture, NaBloPoMo, Re: the lil' monkey

Activity list (emergencey for cabin fever.), Berkeley, CA.

My daughter drew this up, in preparation for a recent trip to either the moon, or some distant planet. We haven’t read Le Petit Prince recently; not sure how this space travel notion came to her. But a great, great many notions come to her via mechanisms I can only guess at.

I think this might come in handy for folks considering cabin fever over the Thanksgiving holiday. After they’ve thoroughly perused this fantastic resource from LGBT Map, my new organizational BFF: Talking About Overall Approaches for LGBT Equality. This clear, thoughtful “Talking About” series is of particular use for folks visiting relatives and trying (trying! trying!) to gently, persistently, open hearts and minds.

After that work, and in the event cabin fever sets in, you may want to consult to the above list. For those not familiar with my daughter’s handwriting, please allow me to transcribe. Spelling left intact. My favorites are #s 14 and 19, as you, my imaginary friends, might imagine. Item #23 is a sign that, after all, she is her mother’s daughter.

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