(By the way: many days late? I am at all times many weeks late, if not many months late! Culprits: thick heavy blankets alternately named Daily Responsibilities and Doldrums Recurrent.)

But: “the friends I ended up with were the ones I chose.” Beautiful. I will definitely search out that book.

PS Another Tuesday, another attempt, no Aclaudia. More conjuring with the dirt at the base of the tree, but this time no sorrowful shiver. She’s dreaming right now as I write this.

But I was, and am, reassured by a book I read not so long ago called Hold Onto Your Kids (or something very like that), which talks about the thought that the transcendant importance of peer relationships is a very new idea, largely invented by our generation. It’s a myth. Friends matter, but family is what REALLY matters. Friends are good, and fun. But they’re extra.

I grew up – here’s a wild digression for you – in a very racist small town (I’m a coloured girl, as my parents would say), and it was unusual for me to have more than a single friend at any given moment in my first 15 years. And although I can look back on that and think that it was too bad, my memories of childhood hold no angst around the issue. It was what it was, and I had plenty to fill my heart, between my family and my books. And I gotta say, I grew up to be pretty damn self-sufficient. So the friends I ended up with were ones I chose.

I highly recommend that book. And don’t worry about the monkey. She is a fine – in fact, an extraordinary – child. Perhaps Aclaudia is like many crushes and dreams we have throughout life; most satisfying in the dreaming of them.

(insert emoticon here)

you should rest assured that she will cultivate the friendships that fulfill her the most. even if there are only a few at first, they will be important. i think she’s the kinda girl who is extremely honest with herself about what she knows and what she likes– and what makes her happy. she has such a strong sense of self…. remarkable for a 4 year old! although it does feel like those “whats right for me?” intuitions actually become more and more ambiguous as we get older.

its lovely to watch her grow up.

Mama n.g., we should hook up a play date. At least you and I could have a nice chat whilst our kiddles played next to, if not with, each other.

What if the imaginary friends aren’t so much replacements for the flesh and blood versions as practice for them? It could just be that she is very sensibly practicing friendship now in ways that are safe and fun for her, honing skills that she will no doubt transfer to classmates… when she’s ready. Seems like a smart strategy to me.

My own four-year-old seems to almost love the idea of his friends more than the reality of them some days …

I have to say, I am a tetch worried, only because I don’t know where everything is going to lead (the thrill of parenthood!) The main thing is, I want her to be happy. That’ll do. And we’re still working on figuring out how to understand her emotional life, as she is still working on understanding it herself.

It is very comforting to hear that solitude is not necessarily equivalent to loneliness, even in the very young.

My parents worried about this, but they shouldn’t have – I was quite happy in my own world. At 12 I started at a new school, ready to finally have a social life. I almost immediately found a tight circle of friends who, a decade later, are still central to my life. I don’t think I lost anything in those years alone in the playground.

I will say she has a memory like an elephant. An elephant on god knows what. Name the drug. Ginko bilboa? Or whatever? Anyway, EVERYTHING that goes in there stays in there, and then gets redeployed when you least expect it. Such as and including cuss words (cf this gem from over a year ago).

Rachel Maddow was reputedly caught at the breakfast table one morning reading the morning paper to herself when she was my daughter’s age (i.e., four). So maybe we should get a subscription to the local daily. Then, even if I have to bite all my nails off through her youth over her friendships (and their lacks, and their travails), I can comfort myself with the thought that maybe, just maybe, if I live long enough, I’ll be able to watch my daughter providing sharp-as-a-tack analysis on current events and asking really smart questions of the movers and shakers of the day.