The other thing applies to anyone who doesn’t adhere to a strict gender dichotomy. Today a little girl in the dress-up area said “where are the girl clothes?” Her mom grimaced at me a bit but said nothing. I would say: “honey, any child can wear anything they want.” Or something else that would open up the conversation.

This reminds me of a painful episode with our neighbors — painful because I said nothing. Their 3.5 year old boy had recently expressed interest in wearing a dress. So they obtained one for him and let him wear it a few times. Then one day, they offered it to us. “He’s done with that phase,” they said to us. I wanted to say, “how do you know? Why not just let it hang in his closet as an option?” But I said nothing and took the dress. And now every time I see it, I die just a little.

I think that the thing I have to be MOST careful about is the fact that I don’t think that gays and lesbians are as persecuted here in Canada (specifically my neighbourhood, in Ottawa, Ontario) as they are in the US. It’s easy for me to sit back and do nothing, thinking that ‘it’s all good’.

I also don’t want to be too pushy!

I think that at our daycare (it’s located within a public French language school), there really is no clear “majority” - we have so many different skin colours, the chef is a man, and one of the teachers wears a head scarf (see? I don’t even have the word in my vocabulary!). The teachers know that this one little girl has a Mommy (they even say it in English, because she’s anglophone) and a Maman (the French word). If she’s doing a craft, they’ll ask who it’s for Mommy or Maman, seemingly with no prejudice, as they would ask another child if theirs was for Mom or Dad. I haven’t encountered anyone being rude or even cold to either Mom. The Maman even came as a parent volunteer for a field trip (yeah, for 2 1/2 year olds, it was insane) and everyone chatted with everyone else. We even traded recipes the next day.

Anyway, this is exactly why I wanted to send my daughter to the daycare at the public school (her future school) - because I want her to know all sorts of different races, religions and family structures. I’m glad that she’s starting at her school, with her gang of friends, this young, because I want this to all be normal for her.

Oh yeah - I wanted to point out at least one reason to have “Mother’s name” and “Father’s name” on the forms! (And this is just because I SUCK at ‘foreign’ names.) I know that I just would NOT know what to do if I was confronted with a form with “Parent 1″ as Goorjap (for example) and “Parent 2″ as Balneet. I just know I would NOT address the correct parent with the correct name! I think sometimes these poor educators can’t win.

Thanks again!

Sheri

Don’t say that boys grow up to be men and marry women and become daddies. Don’t say that girls grow up to be women and marry men and become mommies. Don’t correct your kid if she tells you she’s going to marry a girl, and don’t jokingly refer to her opposite-gender friends as romantic attachments if you don’t do the same with her same-gender friends. Introduce the idea that she could grow up to marry a woman, even if she doesn’t.

It’s never to early to tell kids the truth.

I intend to raise my kids to appreciate the wide variety of families–step families, families by adoption, families where kids are raised by their grandparents, families of any and every race and sexual orientation. I’ll find stories, I’ll write stories (my mom wrote stories for me, it makes you feel so special!), I’ll introduce them to families…

I remember that my mom was very specific about families being a mom and a dad and kids. She was a little less clear about step families. Definitely against communes. And didn’t talk about same-sex couples.

That was a handicap for a few years, but I grew past it. For me, a family is a group of people who love each other even when it’s not always convenient or easy. I definitely had a family at college–4 girls whom I was there for and who were there for me.

I’m not sure if this one is universal, but I noticed I bristled at a question on our daughter’s first day of daycare (Monday…we’re surviving so far…). In general, I’m fairly comfortable answering questions about our daughter’s biological parentage (I’m non-bio) when they’re presented in a way that validates the role of both my wife and I (though preferably not on a first meeting). However, several times lately folks have commented when first meeting us about how my daughter’s hair color (very very brown) is similar to mine (red), which it clearly isn’t. I tend to interpret this sort of resemblance talk from someone who does not know the genetic structure of our family as indirect fishing for info about who’s the “real” mom. I always refrain from telling someone who has made such a comment anything about our genetic relations (or lack thereof) for a very long time after such a comment.

I’d say it’s respectful to steer clear of any resemblance talk when first meeting a queer family. If you did happen to meet us, and listened carefully, we’d probably out ourselves about our family structure soon enough anyway (we’re talkers!). That said, I absolutely love it when someone who already knows our family structure and truly values my role in our daughter’s life mentions that she looks like me…

Who’s in a Family is one of the half-dozen or more books that the beloved and I up bought for our preschool. I was talking with the staff about the books they have about families, and the slim pickins they had including two parents of the same sex. The director said, “If you find something you think is good, go ahead and buy it and I’ll reimburse you.” Little did she know who she was talking to. The beloved and I said to ourselves, “Let’s run the tab up to $100, and then if she doesn’t want ‘em all, we’ll be glad to have copies or extras of the leavings.” They’ve yet to all arrive (alas, our local independents didn’t have ‘em so we had to go the Powells route). So I can’t report whether they’re up for $80 in LGBT family-friendly books in one fell swoop.

Sister, do I hear you, about it being hard to read with two youngins! But I have good reason to re-read Mr. Kohn, and heaven knows if I do manage to not fall asleep on the third paragraph — no reflection on Mr. Kohn, but rather the accumulated sleep debt — I’ll be sure to check in about him. I’m so interested to hear what you think about his take on things.