Look at that lil’ beefcake. He knows he’s got me right there, in the palm of his tiny hand.

Love him so much it drives me up a tree. Did so from jump. Can’t begin to figure out how the lack of my biological connection is diminishing this love. Can’t begin to figure that. Would I lunge in front of a truck to snatch him from danger any faster if he issued from my loins? Dunno! Don’t want to have to find out. Would the loss of him feel greater? Again, don’t want to have to find out. (But since our innocence in those matters has been lost, it’s not like the thought doesn’t skitter across the brain. I try to keep it skittering on past.)

Would my joy at his happinesses taste sweeter, had I carried and birthed him? I’ll never know. Or wait, here we go: would our bond be more true, if, say, though I didn’t birth him (no father ever has), I knew he was carrying the story of my family in his cells? If I looked at his face and saw my own reflected back?*

As if. Ask every adoptive parent. Ask every step-parent. Ask me.

Look at him. Every baby makes you love them. They’re masters at it. Like the lack of biological connection is going to be any shield. Smell their skin! Programmed to drive you crazy nuts! How do people go about hypothesizing that malarkey, biology über alles? Have they met people like me? Have they seen what babies like this can do?

*Instead, I look at his face and see my love reflected back. That’s the thing.


8 Responses to “Some questions about connectedness”

  1. 1 Vikki

    I carried both of our children and, from where I sit, I see no difference in the love my partner and I feel for our kids. Biology schmiology, I say.

  2. 2 Liza

    Mmmm, baby smell. Especially if the baby got to go outside in the sun for a little while. And just ate. And has an unsoiled diaper. The most perfect smell on earth.

    Thanks for giving me such a yummy moment in the middle of a hectic day.

  3. 3 Trista

    here here

  4. 4 LesbianDad

    My pleasure!

    And Vikki, thanks.

    And Trista, yeah sister! Scoot, the rest of you, and peep this what she wrote: Advice for Bio Moms.

  5. 5 Blue Ox

    He. Is. Absolutely. LUSCIOUS.

    Not everyone can make me talk. In. Periods.

  6. 6 LesbianDad

    Sister, I know. What. You mean.

  7. 7 IrreverendAmy

    Seconding Vikki. I’ve seen the look on my wife’s face as she holds our daughter and I know that comparisons are not only odious, they’re stupid. We both love her like our own souls.

  8. 8 sybil

    Ohmygoodness, I need to see and touch this boy! We have a photo of Zbopp that looks ever so similar to this wildly cutie one. Missing you muchly! –Sybil

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    Featured election news/analysis:

    From "Gay marriages in California surpass those in Massachusetts,", Jessica Garrison, on 7 Oct., 2008, at the Los Angeles Times.



    Data released Monday (6 Oct 08) by UCLA's Williams Institute found that an estimated 11, 000 same-sex couples were married in CA since June 17, when the court began to allow them. (Since May 2004, over 10,000 have married in Massachusetts.)



    Pastor Jim Garlow of Skyline Church in La Mesa, who has been rallying voters to pass the constitutional amendment, said: "The fact that there are big numbers doesn't change the reality that it is still bad for the country."



    Garlow, who along with hundreds of other Christians, is observing a fast until election day as a way to show his support for the proposed amendment, added: "There are enormous numbers of people doing cocaine right now. . . . Simply because large numbers of people are doing something does not make it right."
    "Foes of gay-marriage ban say poll shows Prop. 8 leading," by Jessica Garrison, 8 Oct., 2008, in the Los Angeles Times:
    The opposition has enjoyed a healthy lead in several surveys taken by polling organizations that do not have a stake in the campaign. But officials with the No on 8 campaign held a conference call with reporters Tuesday to announce that their own poll showed the measure would pass by four points. Opponents attributed the result to fewer television ads, which is, in turn, a result of the No on 8 campaign falling behind in fundraising.
    From Geoff Kors, Equality California, in an email to EQCA and No on 8 supporters, 7 Oct., 2008:
    Our worst nightmares are coming true.



    Today we learned of the massive $25.4 million our opponents have raised so far. They are using this war chest to broadcast lies: 24/7 and up and down the state of California.



    And the polls show the lies are working. We need your donation now.



    Yesterday’s CBS 51 poll shows that:



    “…likely California voters overall now favor passage of Proposition 8 by a five-point margin, 47 percent to 42 percent. Ironically, a CBS 5 poll eleven days prior found a five-point margin in favor of the measure's opponents.”



    People change their minds about Proposition 8 when they hear the lie that churches will lose their tax-free status if they won’t marry same-sex couples – EVEN THOUGH THIS IS NOT TRUE!



    So this is crunch time. With less than a month before the election, we must get on the air now to answer these lies and swing votes back to our side.



    And the ONLY way to do that it to raise more money. The generous $15.8 million that our supporters have given isn’t enough. Not when the other side has nearly $10 million more than we do and the fundraising gap is growing.


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    Ellen DeGeneres: "My Political Point... And I Do Have One," on 24 Sept., 2008 at her site.



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