Some truths are harder to tell than others. My great nephew was abandoned as an infant by his mother and raised by his paternal grandparents, my brother and his wife and his father. We lied. We lied like dogs. As far as I know, we are still lying. Great nephew is in his teens now, happy and well-adjusted. He has a relationship with his mother of sorts and his maternal grandparents. I honestly don’t know what I would say to him if he asked me about this now. I’m just not sure there is an age that is appropriate to tell someone, “Your mother locked you in a closet and walked away.” without inflicting damage.

The City happened to plant a street tree on our parking strip on the day A’s cousin died 5 and 1/2 years ago. We named the tree after her. I’ve been thinking of planting a tree in our backyard this spring and I expect it might end up happening right around when our friend dies. This will ensure the juxtaposition continues for a long time to come. As I guess it always will.

Oh, sigh.

“…every time I’ve come to know someone who has struggled since childhood with their demons, I find an experience where they weren’t physically safe, didn’t know parental love or were lied to.” I don’t think I have ever read such a brief, yet complete, explanation of life’s scars. As I reflect on my own struggles…well…let’s just say you saved me a load of therapy with your insight. Thank you…

A lot of times a lot of us spend a lot of energy (and that’s a lot of lots) worrying and fretting about our kids schools, their friends, their clothes, their toys. In the end these things we fret about seem to have little lasting effect, as hard as that is to believe in the moment.

I have the good fortune of knowing a lot of people who are happy and successful in life, and I know a few who are lastingly unhappy and don’t consider themselves successful. Through all my conversations with all kind of people I have never found a correlation between success and ‘good schools’ or happiness and no TV as a kid. And yet every time I’ve come to know someone who has struggled since childhood with their demons, I find an experience where they weren’t physically safe, didn’t know parental love or were lied to.

I care about the schools my kids go to and I don’t let them watch TV (well… not much). As I do this, I try not to fool myself that these are the critical pieces of parenthood. I can’t imagine not letting them know how much they are loved any chance I get or ever letting them be physically threatened, those both come naturally to me. The hard part, and the part that I hope will give them the most lasting benefit is always telling them the truth. Some times the truth is “I’m not ready to tell you about that yet” but it’s the truth. I know that they’ll know if I don’t, and they’ll pay. I thank you for shining a light and leading the way.

I tend to think a gentle honesty puts more wind in their sails for the long haul. Even if it might feel, in the moment, like it knocks the wind out.

My stepfather died last 4th of July…the same day my son celebrated his 5th birthday. Our initial reaction was to tell Miguel that his papa died on July 5th to protect him from the pain. In reality, we wanted to protect ourselves from his pain. We told him the truth. He cried, he felt horrible and he accepted it. I think we are all better for it.